Whiff Table: Something happens every round of combat

I'm thinking of running 0e DnD or Black Pudding's flavor of B/X, or Moldhammer, or Wolfbreaker. But I love combat systems from Into the Odd where there's no to-hit roll (and no missing) or Troika/Tunnel Goons/Macchiato Monsters where someone always gets hit. What to do? Write a whiff table! 

WHIFF

When two opposed combatants in melee both miss their attacks, roll on the whiff table.

1. You knock each other's helms off. If anyone involved is not wearing a helm, they take 1d6 damage.
2. You both fall down. 50% chance you're on top. You're at a range where punches, kicks, and daggers will work; larger melee weapons will not.
3. You bind weapons and then push one another back. Their weapon lands at your feet; yours lands at theirs.
4. Belt or backpack cut. Lose the top item in your inventory, as it is on the ground now.
5. Lesser HD combatant knocked back into someone else on their side, who must save or be knocked down. 
6. Environmental damage! Crack the ceiling, start a fire, destroy furniture, valuables, etc.
7. Tooth loosened. You can spit it out in their face for a +4 to hit bonus next round, or try to keep it in place and get it fixed later (maybe?). No hp loss.
8. Metal strikes stone. You and your opponent are bathed in sparks. Exposed paper or oil will begin to burn. Hair smolders.
9. Opponent had an oil jar or gland that you just barely nick, but it splits open nevertheless. You, your opponent, and the ground are drenched in oil. 
10. You just barely get an opening. If you swing with everything you have, embedding your weapon in your opponent, you can do so and roll damage with advantage, but you lose your weapon. Otherwise, normal miss.
11. Their swing or thrust misses, but tosses sweat and grit in your eyes. Take -4 to AC until you spend a round wiping that out; your peripheral vision is .
12. You clash weapons and it's incredibly loud. Roll for an additional encounter.
13. You disarm them and their weapon sails behind them. If they have natural weapons they take 1d6 damage.
14. Their weapon pins you in place. They lose it but you will have to struggle for 1d3 rounds to be able to move again. Can still fight.
15. Ancient war-sigil mine stepped on, 1-3 by you, 4-6 by enemy. Spend next round levitating 10' in the air. Spells lowers you down gently (defective).
16. Skyknife! Your weapon is knocked up into the ceiling and lodged there. It'll fall in 1d6 rounds. Anyone under it could be hit by it. (If no ceiling is available your weapon targets someone random closeby.)
17. Ambient magical energy interacts with your intent to cause harm. You and your opponent glow like torches. -4 AC penalty to both of you for 1d6 rounds.
18. You blink blood out of your eyes. You and your opponent are covered in blood and gore. Perhaps another attack drenched you both, perhaps some blood god is merely happy at your mishap.
19. Their swing is about to cleave into your throat and you are suddenly in the Dead Realm. Any spirits or undead in the area are still present, otherwise it is empty, grey, cold, foggy. You can move about for 1 round and then you will re-appear wherever you moved to. Any valuable treasure or items are but dust in the Dead Realm, unless you brought them in yourself.
20. Both of your weapons bind and break. If either of you were using magical weapons, said weapons can save against breakage. (Roll a 4 or more on a d6, adding the weapon's magical bonus.)

You could just roll a d6 against this table, or a d12 if you don't want random magical war-sigils to show up in your theatre of the mind, or random Dead Realm trips. 

Ghost Gang Random Tables for Esoteric Enterprises or whatever modern urban fantasy you got

In anticipation of Cavegirl's AWESOME Esoteric Enterprises coming out bigger and badder, here are my thoughts on Ghost Gangs. Because people die all the time, there's almost always a few ghosts in a rough collective, if not an outright organized body of the disembodied.

They're a fantastic organization to hire out freelancers, because they need a literal pair of hands (or 4) to lift up a priceless painting from one subterranean hidey-hole and carry it safely to theirs. 

(Also here's a link to the player's handbook for Esoteric Enterprises, with which one can create ghosts.)

From Wikipedia

WHAT DOES THIS GHOST GANG WANT ANYWAY

1. Enchanted fresh food to actually eat. 
2. Ancient vinyl pressing of ritual music.
3. Large (4' x 6') oil painting, frame optional.
4. Unenchanted stone idol.
5. Large pile of enemy's wealth to be destroyed dramatically.
6. DVDs and DVD player. Holy oil to anoint such that they can push the buttons.
7. Hookah, brick of undergrown-cultivated herb. 
8. Blessed salt to keep out uninvited spirits.
9. Silver-coated sword that they can wield.
10. Rune-carved zippo lighter shipment. They don't run out of fuel.
11. Ectoplasm-filled jar, the remains of one of their own.
12. Liber Noctis, a book of binding ghosts. A furnace to destroy it in.
13. Soul trapper's scalp or forefinger.

WHO HAS IT WHO IS TERRIBLE

1. A thief-lich (HD6) and her disciples.
2. Null soul zone-dwelling scavengers. 
3. Overly large cryptid.
4. Nearby police precinct. 
5. Bank vault, front for some undead businessfolk.
6. Devotee of the Void and their flock.
7. Rival ghost gang.
8. Urban explorers, last seen diving the depths.

WHERE DO THEY HOLE UP

1. Underground, an abandoned subway stop
2. Aboveground, in an unknown safehouse
3. Underground, beneath a small settlement of worshippers / traders
4. Underground, in an automatic sewer processing system
5. Underground, in an ancient building that was built over hundreds (?) of years ago but looks like it's from the 1980s
6. Aboveground, a squat atop an abandoned (?) building

Oh yeah, obviously if you get a location or WHO HAS IT from the What they want table, don't bother rolling on the later tables unless you want.

Worldbuilding Equipment Lists

I've really enjoyed the worldbuilding in equipment lists, as seen in Troika, Into the Odd, and Mothership. Here's one I put on a postcard and forgot to send, stat'd for Into the Odd.

Art by the awesome Victorin Ripert

1. Voluminous Scintillating Robes. Preferred by nobles. Larger on the inside - can fit a 10' pole or a greatsword within. Disadvantage on stealthy indiscretions. 100 G
2. Telemetry HUD Helm. Holograms and soothing whispers give advantage on all ranged attacks. Disadvantage to notice things when applicable, as it constantly is trying to get you to shoot at things. 10 G
3. Living Rope. Grows 1' a day if fed about a cup of sugar. 1 G for 20'
4. Polis ANFRAM. A tracked, self-propelling mounted gun / hydroponic flask. Moves at a steady walk. Fires flows and vines out to far range. Flower pollen does d6 subdual damage. 5 G, 1 G for a 6 round ammo belt.
5. Mudskipper, Giant. Mount in the Wet Slopes. 15 G. Fish food in bulk is 1 G for 5 days.
6. Guard Psychic Maltese. Understands simple commands. 7 hp 5 Str 16 Cha. Psychic Attack (d6, ignores most armor). Telepathy alarm. 30 G.
7. Crystal Rations. Do not spoil, not hurt by wet. 3 G / day.
8. Multitool Repair Spider. Can repair some Pretech on a Cha roll. 2 hp 9 Str 12 Cha. 
9. Bone Armor. Must be fed via wearer's blood (-1 Str) once a week. 1 Armor.
10. Gravity Bomb. Triples gravity in a 60' radius for 1d6 rounds. Treat falling down as falling 10', Str check to stand. 12 G
11. Music Box. Telepathic melody projector. 13 G.
12. Eel Sword. Comes with an aquarium-sheath, can fire out electricity 1/day doing an extra d8 damage. Come in one-handed (1d6) and two-handed (1d8) varieties. 8 G

Notes on running Mothership tonight

HELLO - if I am running Mothership for you, please leave now. 

You're delivering a Box to Lyons. You have a Grizzly ATV, driving up 11B, surrounded by grass and desert and the wrecks of Crashland. 

Art by Rust Shake

What's In The Box

1 - 5) Viral nanohive. 1-2. Inactive 3-5. Active (Body save or replaces lungs, disadvantage running, can spit viral nanomachines)
6-10) Atlas of Hell - smoking skull surrounded by a black mold. Sanity save or 1d10 stress and 1d10 damage from self-harm, per round of exposure. Can ask it questions when exposed. Mysticism to figure out this is in the box without opening it. (stolen from Wounds by Nathan Ballingrud) (Edit: Once a day you can ask it for stuff but there's always a delivery person and they may be or become something from Hell)

Art by Joshua Cotter

What's On The Radio / Fear Save Static Hiss

1) "God is here"
2) "You are already in Heaven"
3) "God will save you next"
4) "Save... us..."
5) :Latin shouting, mysticism or theology / Int roll to decode, hint about monster:
6) "God is a black duststorm"
7) "God will strip our flesh and show the truth"
8) "God is hungry"
9) "God is suffering"
10) "We are with you and God is with us"

God of Route 11D

10' tall, bone-white, whippet-thin, face is like a distorted honeycomb that winks and screams and emits corrosive dust which it controls. Some of what it kills are animated corpses when within 200 meters of it. They may or may not fall under its control (instinct save to resist). They understand that it is close. They want to worship the God whether they succeed or fail the instinct save. 

It can run slightly faster than the average ATV or Grizzly delivery vehicle. 

6(30) hits, Combat 66%, Instinct 35%, Run Fast 55%

It can swing its rubbery limbs at you for 1d10[-] damage (ie you roll 2d10 and take the worse result). On a 5+ body save or get knocked over or tossed around. 

At range it emits a corrosive black dust that can cause up to 4d10 damage - it can target multiple opponents if it doesn't move. Armor save at disadvantage unless you're in a sealed env suit of some kind, which it will eat through given a few rounds. 

It can also blast a bright light from its honeycomb face, a hellish glow that causes a fear save or take 1d10 stress.

Wants: to absorb cyberbrain prosthetics and nanohives, gaining more Black Dust. To be worshiped by its victims.

Landscape Features d66 table for hiding on a Semi-Arid Planet

One
1. Bouldering-sized scree / stones tightly packed
2. Reedy pool of salty water
3. Dry riverbed / rocky trench
4. Low walls of an old ship bulkheads, strewn about
5. Stripped ship generator and large (1' tall) power conduits
6. Unpowered airlock door, closed, explosive bolts, opens to a 40' drop into a derelict

Two
1. Wrecked, flipped buggy
2. Tall grasses
3. Ridge top
4. 40' tall stone outcropping shapped like a talon
5. 4' 'cliff'
6. Copse of hardy bush-trees

Three
1. Fallen-in concrete hut
2. Still-smoking crater
3. Cliff Racer nest, 50/50 empty. Large hole-riddled mounds
4. Geiser outgrowth / stalagmite
5. Low (crawl-height) gas. 1) methane 2) sulfur 3-6) fog
6. Dunetop plateau of sand stone

Four
1. Concrete pipes, 8' tall, 1d10 in a cluster. Stood so they're open at the top
2. Mummified corpses in vaccsuits, 1d10
3. Scruffy shrubs surround a tiny saltwater spring
4. Flat-top stone with a narrow (2') deep (8') crack running its length
5. Rusting dumpsters in a pile as though dropped from on high
6. Tall dry grasses (dead, very flammable)

Five
1. Blacktop cracked road with ditches on either shoulder
2. Thick mass of creepers and vines over rotting soft ground
3. Waist-high fungal growths
4. 20' stone arch
5. Throny shrub with exposed roots at crawling-level
6. 8' x 8' x 2' steaming animal turds / bones / shed skin

Six
1. Manhole cover to small dry sewer
2. Power line pylones, 60' tall
3. Fallen-over Company billboard
4. Crashed lifepod
5. Narrow crooked valley
6. Mining sump, hastily abandoned

CROW PARTY TOWN

Edit:

This only exists because of Bad Frog Bargain. Nate Treme is amazing!!!

IN MEDIA RES / Starting Out Right

1. Face painting the Mayor and their guards
2. Round 4, Caribou Lou drinking contest 
3. William Tell Multi Demonstration, Circular Firing Squad
4. Chased by cops over 'harmless prank'
5. Inside a burning multi-outhouse
6. At the tippy-top of a tree, swaying in the breeze

FACTIONS

1. Drunk Dog Gang. Knives, puffy pants, hosery, slingshots. Wants all the pies.
2. Franklin Shipments. Clubs, overalls, straw hats, chaw. Picking up shipments of bent copper coins, shiny things.
3. Mayor and retinue. Dapper moth-eaten wool suits, bowler hats weighted with stones to be good throwing weapons, razors sewn on the brim. Wants the Town Sash before midnight tomorrow night.
4. A Swamp Witch. Wants the Town Sash and 12 Great Pies to summon a whirlwind.

LOCATIONS

1. Treetop bridges and houses
2. Treeroot Hollows 
3. Old Mill
4. Lumpy Meadow
5. River jetty and dock
6. Mayor's dome ceramic house
7. Big fences horse pasture - boggy, full of giant turds
8. Standoff Stump Hill
9. Wolf's Kiss Inn and Mudbath
10. Old Frog Bonnie's Shack and Moonshine still
11. Thatched Schoolhouse
12. Bakers' Treeforts
13. Fairground

RANDOM ENCOUNTERS / EVENTS

1. Murder of 2d4 Drunk Dog Gangers who smell pie on you
2. d4 Crow Cops chasing 2d4 pie thieves
3. Mayor's top dogsbody crow, hunting for the Town Sash
4. Flying monkey, glass cat. In bad disguises. Spies for the Witch
5. Baker with a Great Pie, 2d4 Crow and Ghost guards.
6. Pie Car (temporary edible vehicle) full of drunk crows careening at speed
7. Huge Ghost, ragged body, enormous snowglobe head, looking for a tiny lost spell written inside a pie-shell
8. Potionmonger with 1d6 potions left, heroically drunk
9. Tree Haunt awakens and animates tree, needs a barrel of wine to go back to sleep, quite angry to be awake
10. Crow coppers checking festival tickets, d4+1
11. Fire jugglers having a bad mishap 
12. Warbling time caws and paws the PCs forward. Day becomes night or vice-versa. Weather is now 1) Clear 2) Rainy 3) Snowy 4) Foggy
13. The Witch, in a bad disguise as a Doctor with a green skin condition and evil laugh
14. Hobo wearing Town Sash climbing up a tree, throws rocks at pursuers. Wants to sleep in a tree, smoke a pipe full of fresh dill
15. Ballroom Dance Battle enfolds PCs, will take next 1d6 hours. Will generally not attack PCs but also cannot let them leave without some fight-dancing

THIS CROW

Wearing

1. Toga
2. Ascot and cloak
3. Monocle-suit
4. Aluminum foil pants
5. Spats, suspenders
6. Sundress
7. Leather jacket
8. Hoop skirt

Wants

1. Pie
2. Town Sash
3. Revenge
4. Magic
5. More wine
6. Spy for 1-2) Mayor 3-4) Gang 5-6) Franklin Shipments

Is

1. Drunk
2. Cursed (infectious)
3. Sleepwalking
4. Judging a contest
5. Jovular
6. Suspicious

Random Pockets

1. Worms and dirt
2. Potion
3. Silver folding jackknife
4. Monogrammed hankerchief
5. Bug Repellent Tonic, doubles as laudanum
6. Town Sash treasure map (guesswork)
7. 2d6 drink tickets
8. 1d4 pie contest tickets
9. Feather poppet (spell focus, 1 use)
10. Wanted: Swamp Witch poster
11. Spool of steel wire and snips
12. Cold iron spike
13. Slide whistle
14. Tiny crystal animal in felt back
15. Witch hazel, witches hate it
16. Dancer's mask
17. Waltz instruction manual
18. Feather Wax
19. Steel photograph of last year's Great Pies
20. Duck call (illegal)

Rumormongering

1. Witches want our pies
2. Witch agents everywhere
3. Mayor is secretly a werewolf
4. Wolf's Kiss Inn has the Sash
5. Pie cures hangover (false, 50/50 pie contains alcohol)
6. Drunk Dog Gang trying to cut down tree-house villages, make us all live on the ground
7. Franklin Shipments brings in gloomy monsters
8. Whoever gets the Sash becomes Mayor for a night

I need to learn how to lay this out as a pamphlet